Burns book..

Hey guys, Gossip Boy here

Your one and only source in to the scandalous lives of Ampang boys elite..


Maybe you find my writing a bit pre teen lately.. maybe i turn to be young again.. or i my immature other side of me shown. Whatever it is: Last night i watch Lindsay Lohan movie Mean Girl. and its refresh me with the words “burn book”. if you watch that movie, you know what did i mean exactly. Its kind of book which to be write the person who was supposedly in our life and we want to shift-delate them out of our memory with the reasons. And its make me think am i owned this kind of book? or am i writen in at someone burn book? its kindda vise versa!

What actually the reason to be one of the list in the burn book? as you know i hate changes. people around me who changing in a way that i am not comfortable with will annoyed me. Sometime i just cant adapt with the changes. Sometime i feel like the changes make me upset. maybe its challenge me or maybe its just unacceptable. If i am in your burn book i just can say i’m sorry if i makes you feel uncomfortable. But i’m trying not to hurt people. i’m trying to please everybody. i’m trying to be more humane each day and at the same time i want to be me. i hope i’m not changing to be someone else just to please them.

this is kindda Gossip Girl series when I will start writing the person who lately were in my burn book list. i will tell you every person who used to be important in my life since last year but this 2009 that person is changing and be the list of my burn book. Wait!! or to ditch me is one of their wishlist 2009? Who know..

I had one best friend i always refer to whatever whenever it is. The person who i sharing everything. the dark secret or the shining event. the one who i trusted. The one who i treat as my little brother. let me called him my little J. Well.. little J is also bff to my lover. he also the one who responsible with my relationship with my lover. Last year.. i did well in his diploma and further degree at main campus. we are far away. when laut china selatan be the ocean between us. End of 2008, i’m back. but i feel like he gradually changing to another person everything is change. Its a BIG changes. Its not that he is dead. the old him is dead. the new him is bad. and now i’m sad, I had a period missing the old him. He is my best friend. Always be there for me. And i’m trying to be with him all the time. keep on giving him a chance so he can back the way he is.But now he is dead. I dont even know him. He found the best friend of his dreams and his priorities changed. He prefer drugs than a solid friendship. I was back to square one. “Who will be my next friend?” I asked myself.It’s hard to admit but I wasn’t interested in becoming close to anyone. It was a case of self loathing and a fear of loss. My little J is gone.

My gossip Girl series keep on rolling when i lost my Venessa. My best friend who i know her almost 8 year also change. We was best friend. but in some circumstances, I lost my interest to be her best friend. She turn to be less responsible. You know.. when we are best friend we should responsible to whatever happen. either to share or to pampered whenever you thing you should. She just lost that intuition.

Of couse if we are bestfriend we expect to be the first one to know.. not the last. To be the last sound like we are not important. Your so called bestfriend is important. unless he is not your bestfriend anymore. She also changing. After she been taken she is changing. After she met her true love she is changing. Yes i’m abselutly happy for her whe she found he true love but well… she changes. and i’m preaty sure her status made her changing. There is a border between me and Vennessa..the border which make she be in the list of Burn book. I just hope she made a right decission. decission to be with her lover. The one she will spend her life forever with. to be her family.

Of course..i’m not that person. I just her best friend. She said she can manage to handle between friendship and a soulmate-relationship. But she is wrong. She cant. She failed. We cant be best friend like we used to be. But i always be there whenever she need me.

I hate this part right here. the part that make me feel losing a friend but not actually say good bye.. the just fade away.. no more laugh.. no more jokes.. its just a solitaire feeling. we we should hangout with other friend but we realise one of them we missing.. and the different is really affected.

Look. I dont have a good family to proud to. i dont have a good family to talk or to share. I used to grown up with my friend as my parent. My friend makes me proud. My friend makes the meaning of my life. With my friend as my teacher.I dont want to lose my friends.. maybe i’m not fit enough to winning this competition.


xoxo,

You know you love me..

The Gossip Boy.